I want speed control for my life. I don't want to stop it all together but slow it down drastically. I feel like it is going so fast I'm not able to enjoy the view. I hurry the kids constantly, I hurry myself and I feel an external force pushing me as well. One choice I made recently in hopes of slowing things down was I took a "leave of absence" from my part-time night/weekend job. Henry is having issues with his teacher at school (I'm having more issues than he is I think) and I needed to focus on Henry more. I need to there for him in the evening to help with his homework and ask him how is day was. Henry needs routine and to have guidance. My mom and Celso just can't provide for him what he needs. He came home with a "behavior notebook" a week or so ago. As soon as I saw this I broke down and cried. "What has happened to my Henry" I asked. Since Henry was a baby everyone always commented what a nice, happy baby he was. Then I got comments that he was kind, respectful, mannerly and a delight to be around. So the feedback I've been getting from his teacher this year is in stark contrast to what I've been told previously about Henry.His teacher is young, this is her second year teaching, she is unmarried and has no children. I have to think that she doesn’t know what to expect from the typical first grader. I have talked with a few other parents of kids in his class and they all agree, on some level, that she is out of line.I've told Henry that I don't like her, he doesn't have to like her but we both have to respect her and they way she wants to run her classroom. I told him that she has high expectations of him and he just needs to do his very best while in her class. I tell him to "study in class and play at recess” and as long as she doesn't take recesses away from him.
I also plan on letting him burn that "behavior notebook" at the end of the year. So long to her, so long to the notebook, etc. I tell Henry that there is only a few more months of school left and he will get a break from her, she will get her break from the kids, they will have summer then next year he will get a new teacher.

Cub scouts is a flop. I have no wind in my sails to be a good leader. We've done one field trip and we haven't had a den meeting except the very first one at the start of the year. I just don't want to do it anymore and I'm disappointed with the pack all together. blah.

I've slowed down going out with my karaoke friends too. The bar we used to go to closed and I haven't made it out to the new bar they've found yet. Money is probably my biggest reason for not going out. Stupid expensive alcohol. I can stay home and drink for a fraction of the price... but it is more fun to drink with friends. ah well...

My Dad had a heart attack 2 weeks ago. My step-mom called me to tell me the day after. She said he didn't want her to call until everything was okay. I had so many thoughts and feelings rush through my head when she told me - it was horrible. He is okay, wasn't in the hospital for long, recovered at home for a week and he returned to work this week. I'm supposed to be making a care package for him this week but I probably won't get around to it until tomorrow. I'll include this butter substitute at his request, some cereal/granola bars I make but what else? I've never mailed a care package out before. I want him to be surprised and happy with it's contents.

Lincoln is bored at his sitters. I think the sitter has been patiently waiting for me to take Lincoln out. The schools were closed Tuesday due to a snow day and I sent Henry over to the sitter with Lincoln. She told me that Lincoln was the best he had been in a long time, that he wasn't bored. Well duh! Of course if he's bored he's going to get into trouble. That's true for me still.
I interview one Montessori school last week and really like it and the teacher. Just to give Celso and I something to compare to, we'll interview one or two other schools before we move him.

Celso and I are getting closer to our divorce. I know I keep saying that but I believe we are. Maybe next week we'll file. The papers are 100% complete.

[insert sound of of a car screeching to a halt]


Damn, just as I was typing that Celso called and said "Let's get the papers notarized and we can file Monday morning"
Excitedly, I left work (including leaving my unfinished, unpublished blog up on my computer) and went across the street to the bank. He, of course, wanted to look at the papers before signing. I, of course, let him. Well the only thing that has been a problem with us agreeing about the divorce is money, of course. I have been upset and worried that, according to the worksheet I have to use, I'd be shorted a significant amount of money for child support. I've asked Celso to give me his word that he will continue to pay me the same amount and he won't do that. He only says that if there is money "left over" that he will give me some and that if the kids need money, he'll be there for them. Well, when I did the worksheet the difference from what he's paying me now and what the worksheet calculated was $100 less. I expected it to be $200-300 less and apparently so did Celso. So he refused to sign the papers and wanted a copy of them. Fine. We came back across the street to my office and I made a copy of them for him. I handed them to him and said "You owe me an apology when you find out I did the papers correct". Bah! The jerk!

On a happier note, my friends Laurie and Don are so freaking cute together. The love is oozing out of them. I've decided the next guy I date, either they pick him out for me or he has to get their approval. They are a class act and I can only hope my next beau is as sweet and tender to me as Don is to Laurie.